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Mollie and I have been married for nearly 15 years, which is hard to believe. We would both honestly say that we’re more in love today than ever before, and that’s not because we’re some kind of marriage geniuses (we’ve made plenty of mistakes along the way). I think the real reason is that we’ve never stopped investing in the small, daily habits that keep a marriage healthy. We learned early on that a thriving marriage isn’t built on one or two grand romantic gestures—it’s built in the quiet moments, the small choices, and the ways you show up for each other when no one’s watching.
Of course, we’re still learning. Every stage of life brings new challenges, whether it’s babies, job changes, financial stress, or just the daily grind of life. What’s helped us weather those seasons—and actually come out stronger—is having a set of simple habits that we return to over and over. They’re not complicated or glamorous, but they work. I wanted to share those habits here, not because we have a perfect marriage, but because we’ve seen firsthand how powerful these small practices can be. If they’ve made a difference for us, I’m confident they can for you too.
1. Be curious about your spouse’s inner world
No matter how long you’ve been married, your spouse is still a mystery waiting to be unraveled. People change over time—new dreams form, priorities shift, worries evolve—and the happiest couples stay endlessly curious about each other. Curiosity means asking real questions that go beyond logistics. Instead of “What do you want for dinner?”, try asking, “What’s something you’ve been thinking about a lot lately?” or “What’s one thing you’re excited about right now?” Curiosity signals that you care, and that your spouse’s inner world still fascinates you. That spark of interest? It’s a powerful way to keep romance alive.
2. Create rituals of connection
In busy seasons (which is basically all seasons for most couples), it’s dangerously easy to become ships passing in the night. That’s why the strongest marriages rely on intentional rituals of connection. These aren’t date nights that require babysitters and reservations (though those are great too)—they’re small, repeatable moments that anchor you to each other. It could be coffee together before work, a daily phone call at lunch, or a standing Friday pizza night on the couch. Rituals are comforting, predictable, and they remind you both that no matter what chaos swirls around you, there’s always a moment carved out just for “us.”
3. Laugh together often
Laughter is one of the most underrated superpowers in marriage. Couples who laugh together create a shared language of inside jokes, funny memories, and playful banter that can make even hard times feel lighter. Humor helps you navigate life’s inevitable absurdities—from parenting mishaps to home improvement disasters—and it reinforces the sense that you’re in this together. The happiest couples know how to poke fun at themselves (and each other, lovingly). So watch silly videos, swap embarrassing stories, and let yourself be goofy. Laughter doesn’t just make life fun—it makes your bond unshakable.
4. Practice radical generosity
Generosity in marriage isn’t just about big romantic gestures—it’s about a mindset of constantly asking, “How can I make my spouse’s day a little easier or brighter?” It’s packing their favorite snack in their lunch, giving them the better pillow, or offering to handle a chore when they’ve had a tough day. Radical generosity means looking for opportunities to give—especially when you don’t feel like it. And the magic is, generosity is contagious. When both people adopt this habit, your home becomes a place where kindness flows freely, and love is a daily action, not just a feeling.
5. Fight fair (and repair quickly)
Every couple argues—it’s not a sign something’s wrong, it’s a sign you’re both human. But how you fight makes all the difference. Healthy couples fight fair by sticking to the issue at hand (no laundry lists of past offenses), avoiding name-calling, and prioritizing understanding over scoring points. And when the fight is over? They don’t let it simmer. They repair quickly with a sincere apology or a loving gesture. Quick repairs prevent resentment from building up and show that your relationship matters more than being right. It’s not about avoiding conflict—it’s about handling it with care.
6. Speak your spouse’s love language daily
Everyone wants to feel loved, but we all receive love in different ways. Some people crave words of affirmation, while others feel most loved through acts of service, quality time, physical touch, or thoughtful gifts. If you don’t know your spouse’s love language, ask them. Then, make it a habit to “speak” it daily. If your spouse feels loved through words, leave little notes. If it’s touch, offer more hugs and back rubs. These small, intentional acts—tailored to your spouse—send the message, “I know what makes you feel special, and I’m willing to show up for you.”
7. Build a shared dream for the future
It’s easy to get caught up in the daily grind—work, bills, errands—and forget that marriage is supposed to be an adventure. The happiest couples don’t just talk about to-do lists; they dream together. They imagine the kind of home they want to create, the values they want to pass on to their kids, the places they want to visit, and the legacy they want to leave behind. This shared vision gives your relationship direction and energy. It’s not about having all the answers—it’s about dreaming side by side, believing that your best days are still ahead.
8. Touch each other every day
Physical affection isn’t just for the honeymoon phase—it’s the everyday glue that keeps you emotionally close. Touch releases oxytocin, the “cuddle hormone,” which fosters trust and connection. But daily touch doesn’t have to mean grand romantic gestures. It could be a quick hug before work, holding hands on the couch, a shoulder squeeze as you pass each other in the kitchen. The goal is to make affection part of your normal routine. These small moments of physical connection say, “I’m here, I’m with you, and I love you”—no words required.
9. Cheer for each other’s growth
The person you married will evolve—and so will you. In healthy marriages, both partners encourage each other to pursue growth, whether that’s a new hobby, a career shift, a spiritual journey, or just becoming a healthier, happier version of themselves. It’s about being your spouse’s biggest fan, not their biggest critic. This means celebrating their wins (even the small ones), showing interest in their passions, and offering support when they take risks. Growth can feel scary, but when you know your partner is cheering you on, it feels like an adventure you’re taking together.
10. Be quick to forgive—and even quicker to apologize
No one gets through marriage without messing up—sometimes in big ways, but more often in small, everyday ones. Maybe you were short-tempered, forgot something important, or just got too caught up in your own world. The happiest couples aren’t perfect—they’re just really good at repairing. They’re quick to apologize, not defensively but sincerely. And they’re just as quick to forgive, choosing to believe the best about each other. Holding grudges is like poison in a marriage. Letting things go, on the other hand, is like oxygen—it keeps love alive.
These habits aren’t flashy or complicated. They’re simple, everyday choices that any couple can make. But over time, they add up to something powerful—a marriage that’s not just surviving the years, but truly thriving through them. If you had to pick one habit to start practicing today, which one would it be?
