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I’ve learned being a parent isn’t about being perfect, but about being a loving presence and giving your children the things they really need. When I first became a parent, I thought my job was to have all the answers—to always know the right thing to say and do. But the longer I’ve been in this role, the more I realize that what kids need most isn’t perfection. They need to feel safe, valued, and unconditionally loved.
Words are a huge part of that. The things we say to our kids shape how they see themselves, how they handle challenges, and how they move through the world. I know I won’t always get it right, but I want to be intentional about the messages my kids carry with them. Some words, when said often enough, become the foundation of a child’s confidence and resilience. Here are ten things I believe every child should hear—again and again.
I love you, no matter what
Love should never feel conditional. Your child needs to know that your love isn’t tied to their grades, behavior, or achievements. They need to feel secure in your affection, even when they make mistakes. Saying “I love you” regularly, and meaning it, reinforces that nothing they do—good or bad—can take away your love. Some kids may shrug it off or act like they don’t need to hear it, but don’t stop saying it. Even if they don’t respond, they’re still soaking it in.
I’m proud of you
Kids crave approval, and hearing that you’re proud of them does wonders for their confidence. But pride shouldn’t just be reserved for big accomplishments—acknowledge their effort, kindness, creativity, or resilience. Let them know you see the small victories, like when they help a friend or try something new. When a child feels valued for who they are and not just what they achieve, they’ll develop confidence that isn’t dependent on external success.
You can always talk to me
As kids grow up, they’ll face hard situations, peer pressure, and moments of doubt. Knowing they have a safe space to share their thoughts without fear of being judged or punished encourages them to open up. Make it clear that no topic is off-limits. The more they trust that you’ll listen without overreacting, the more likely they’ll come to you when they really need help. Even if they tell you something shocking, try to stay calm—your reaction will determine whether they come to you again in the future.
Mistakes are how we learn
Children often fear failure because they think it means they aren’t good enough. Help them see mistakes as stepping stones instead of roadblocks. Instead of focusing on what went wrong, shift the conversation to what they can learn. Share your own experiences with failure so they know even adults make mistakes. When they mess up, remind them that it doesn’t define them. What matters most is how they grow from it. Teaching kids to embrace mistakes helps them become more resilient and willing to try new things.
I believe in you
Kids need to borrow confidence from their parents before they develop their own. When they doubt themselves, your belief in them can make all the difference. Whether they’re trying out for a team, tackling a tough subject, or making new friends, let them know you trust their ability to figure it out. Even if they fail, your faith in them will encourage them to keep going. When kids hear “I believe in you” often, they start believing in themselves, too—and that belief carries them further than talent alone ever could.
You are enough just as you are
In a world that constantly pushes perfection, kids need to hear that they are already enough. Not when they lose weight, not when they improve their grades, not when they make more friends—right now, just as they are. Remind them that their worth isn’t based on how they look, how popular they are, or how well they perform. When a child knows they don’t have to prove their value, they grow into confident, self-assured adults who aren’t constantly seeking outside validation.
Be kind, even when it’s hard
The way kids treat others often reflects what they see at home. Teaching them to be kind, even in difficult situations, sets the foundation for strong character. Kindness doesn’t mean letting people walk all over you—it means treating others with respect and empathy, even when it’s not easy. Talk to them about standing up for others, handling conflicts with grace, and recognizing that everyone is fighting their own battles. In a world that can sometimes feel harsh, raising a kind child is one of the greatest gifts you can give.
It’s okay to have big feelings
Emotions can be overwhelming, especially for kids. Instead of telling them to “calm down” or “stop crying,” help them understand their feelings. Say things like, “It’s okay to feel frustrated,” or “I see you’re really sad right now.” When kids know their emotions are normal, they learn to manage them instead of suppressing them. Teach them healthy ways to cope, like talking things out, taking deep breaths, or finding a quiet space when they need to reset. A child who feels safe expressing their emotions grows into an adult who can handle them in a healthy way.
I’m sorry
Parents aren’t perfect, and when you make mistakes, admitting them teaches your child an important lesson: apologizing doesn’t make you weak—it makes you accountable. Saying, “I’m sorry I yelled,” or “I shouldn’t have said that,” models humility and shows them how to take responsibility for their actions. When kids see their parents own up to their mistakes, they learn to do the same. It also strengthens your relationship, making them feel respected and valued as a person.
You are safe with me
The world can feel scary and unpredictable, but home should always be a place of security. Kids need to know that no matter what happens, they have a safe place to land. Whether they’re scared, confused, or feeling lost, remind them that your arms and your heart are always open. Feeling safe goes beyond physical protection—it means knowing they won’t be judged, rejected, or made to feel small. A child who feels truly safe at home will carry that sense of security into the rest of their life.
Words have power. The things you say to your child today will echo in their heart for years to come. What message do you want them to carry with them?
