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Mollie and I have a great marriage, and we’re both optimistic about the future, but I think if you want to maintain a good marriage, you have to be alert for signs that things aren’t right and then immediately do something about it. A struggling marriage doesn’t fall apart overnight—it happens gradually, often in ways that are easy to overlook. Life gets busy, routines take over, and before you know it, you and your spouse can start feeling more like distant roommates than partners. The good news is that most issues can be fixed if you catch them early enough and take action before they become deep-rooted problems.
Over the years, I’ve realized that keeping a marriage strong requires constant attention, just like anything else worth having. That means noticing when communication starts slipping, when small resentments begin to build, or when intimacy fades. It’s not about panicking at every little disagreement, but rather staying aware and proactive. If you ignore the warning signs, they don’t just go away—they get worse. I believe that the strongest marriages aren’t the ones that never struggle, but the ones where both people recognize problems, face them head-on, and work together to fix them. If you’re wondering whether your marriage might be in trouble, here are ten universal signs to watch for.
1. Communication feels forced or nonexistent
Healthy relationships thrive on open, honest, and regular communication. When couples stop sharing their thoughts, feelings, and daily experiences, emotional distance begins to form. Maybe you used to talk for hours, but now conversations feel awkward, forced, or surface-level. If discussions revolve only around logistics—who’s picking up the kids or what’s for dinner—it could be a sign that deeper emotional connection is slipping away. The longer communication stays broken, the harder it is to repair.
2. Arguments never get resolved
Disagreements are normal, but if you keep having the same fights without ever reaching a resolution, resentment starts to build. Some couples shut down completely, choosing to ignore conflict rather than work through it, while others stay locked in a cycle of blame and defensiveness. Both patterns are unhealthy. Without resolution, small issues become major sources of frustration, and the gap between you and your spouse grows wider. Over time, you may find yourselves more like adversaries than partners.
3. Lack of physical intimacy
Physical affection—holding hands, hugging, kissing, and sex—is a powerful way couples stay connected. If touch has become rare or nonexistent, it can signal emotional distance or underlying tension. This isn’t just about sex; even small gestures like a kiss goodbye or a touch on the shoulder show love and reassurance. When physical intimacy disappears, couples often feel more like roommates than romantic partners. If you can’t remember the last time you were affectionate, it might be time to ask why.
4. You feel lonely even when you’re together
Feeling alone in a marriage is one of the most painful experiences. You might be sitting next to your spouse, sharing a meal, or watching TV together, yet feel completely disconnected. This often happens when couples stop engaging with each other emotionally—no longer sharing their thoughts, fears, or joys. If you feel like you’re living parallel lives instead of a shared one, it’s a sign your relationship needs attention. Emotional intimacy is just as important as physical closeness, and without it, loneliness can take hold.
5. There’s a growing sense of resentment
Resentment is like rust—it slowly eats away at the foundation of a marriage. It often starts small: feeling unappreciated, unnoticed, or unheard. Maybe you’re carrying more of the emotional or financial load, or your efforts aren’t being acknowledged. If these feelings aren’t addressed, they pile up, making it difficult to see your spouse in a positive light. Resentment can turn love into frustration, and if left unchecked, it becomes a wall that keeps couples from reconnecting.
6. You stop making an effort for each other
In the early days of a relationship, both partners go out of their way to impress and care for each other. But over time, it’s easy to slip into autopilot—no more date nights, thoughtful gestures, or even basic courtesies. If neither of you is putting in effort, it may indicate a deeper issue: you’re no longer prioritizing each other. Relationships need continuous nurturing, and when both partners stop trying, the marriage starts to feel stagnant and unfulfilling.
7. You fantasize about being apart
It’s normal to wonder about different life paths once in a while, but if you frequently imagine being single or with someone else, it’s a sign of dissatisfaction. This kind of thinking can create emotional distance, making it easier to withdraw from your spouse. You might catch yourself daydreaming about how much happier or freer you’d be on your own, which can prevent you from fully investing in your marriage. If these thoughts persist, they should be taken seriously and addressed before they turn into real-life actions.
8. You or your spouse avoid coming home
If one or both of you are finding excuses to stay out—working late, running unnecessary errands, or spending extra time with friends—it might be more than just a busy schedule. Avoidance can be a subconscious way of escaping an uncomfortable home environment. When home no longer feels like a place of warmth and connection, people naturally gravitate elsewhere. If you notice this happening, ask yourself why—are you avoiding conflict, boredom, or emotional disconnection?
9. There’s a lack of trust
Trust is the foundation of any strong marriage, and once it starts to erode, everything else suffers. Maybe there have been small lies, secretive behavior, or broken promises that have made you question your partner’s honesty. Even if there hasn’t been outright betrayal, trust can weaken when partners stop being transparent with each other. If you find yourself doubting your spouse’s words, checking their phone, or second-guessing their intentions, it’s a clear sign that something needs to be addressed.
10. One or both of you have stopped caring
The biggest and most alarming sign of a struggling marriage is indifference. If you no longer care to fight for your relationship, or you feel emotionally detached from the outcome, it means your connection has faded significantly. Apathy often comes after months or years of unresolved issues, leaving one or both partners feeling hopeless. When neither person is making an effort to repair things, it’s a strong indication that the relationship is in serious trouble.
Recognizing these signs doesn’t mean your marriage is doomed, but it does mean there’s work to do. The good news? Struggling marriages can recover when both partners are willing to make the effort. If you see yourself in this list, consider having an open conversation with your spouse, seeking professional help, or making intentional changes to reconnect before it’s too late.
