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I’m sure you want your children to be content, loving, and successful as I do. But one thing I’ve been taught—and am beginning to see for myself—is that you need to give them space to develop their own self-confidence. And that means letting them fail from time to time in painful ways. It’s tough to watch, but I’m realizing that every stumble is a chance for them to learn they can stand back up on their own.
As a parent, my first instinct is often to jump in and fix things—to smooth over problems before they even have a chance to feel the sting. But the more I do that, the more I rob my kids of the belief that they can handle life’s twists and turns. I want my children to know deep in their bones that they are capable, worthy, and strong—not because I said so, but because they’ve seen it for themselves.
Building self-confidence isn’t about constant praise or telling our kids how amazing they are. It’s about equipping them with the experiences, skills, and inner dialogue that will remind them, even in tough moments, “I can do this.” That’s what I’m trying to focus on in my own parenting journey, and I hope some of the ideas I’m sharing today will help you do the same.
Be their biggest cheerleader, but let them own their wins
Every child needs someone who believes in them, and that person is usually a parent. Be the one who cheers the loudest when they do something brave or accomplish a goal—but be mindful of how you frame your praise. If every success is tied to your approval, they might start doing things just to please you rather than building confidence from within. Shift the focus back to them by saying, “You should feel really proud of how hard you worked,” or “Look at what you accomplished!” This subtle shift helps them recognize their own power, so they learn to value their efforts, not just your reaction to them.
Give them room to solve their own problems
When kids face problems—whether it’s a forgotten homework assignment or a fight with a friend—it’s tempting to jump in and fix it for them. But confident kids know they can handle challenges, and that belief only comes from experience. Instead of providing all the answers, ask open-ended questions like, “What do you think you should do next?” or “What would help solve this?” Even if they need a little guidance, let them take the lead. They’ll start to believe in their ability to handle life’s bumps, which is a confidence builder no lecture can match.
Celebrate effort, not just results
If kids only hear praise when they win or get perfect grades, they can become afraid to even try things where success isn’t guaranteed. But confidence thrives when kids know their effort matters. Point out their hard work, creative thinking, or persistence—no matter the outcome. Say things like, “I noticed how you kept trying, even when it was tricky,” or “You really put a lot of thought into that project.” When they learn that effort is valuable all on its own, they develop the courage to keep trying, even when things feel tough.
Let them fail (and show them it’s okay)
Failure is uncomfortable—no one likes to see their kid hurting. But if children never experience failure, they never learn how to recover from it either. Confident kids understand that failure isn’t the end of the road, just a pit stop where you figure out what to do differently next time. When your child messes up, help them process what happened with curiosity instead of criticism. Ask, “What do you think you could try next time?” or “What did you learn from this?” When they see failure as part of learning, they’re less afraid to take risks in the future.
Encourage them to speak up (even if you disagree)
Confidence doesn’t just mean believing in yourself—it means believing your voice matters. Let your kids practice speaking up, whether it’s ordering their own meal at a restaurant, sharing their opinion at a family meeting, or respectfully disagreeing with you. Even if you don’t agree with their viewpoint, affirm their courage in speaking their mind. When they feel heard at home, they’ll be more willing to speak up in school, with friends, and eventually at work. Knowing their voice carries weight builds the confidence to stand tall in the world.
Teach them to set (and crush) small goals
Big goals are exciting, but they can also feel overwhelming. The trick is to help your child break big dreams into smaller, doable steps. If they want to learn how to skateboard, for example, the first goal might be balancing on the board for 10 seconds. Then, they might work on gliding down the driveway. Each small success builds confidence, and before they know it, they’ll be ready for bigger challenges. Celebrate every step forward, no matter how small, because confidence is built brick by brick, not in one giant leap.
Model confident behavior (even when you don’t feel it)
Kids learn so much more from what we do than what we say. If they hear you constantly doubting yourself, avoiding new experiences, or apologizing unnecessarily, they’ll absorb those habits. On the flip side, when they see you try new things, laugh at your mistakes, and speak kindly about yourself, they get a front-row seat to healthy confidence in action. You don’t have to pretend you’re perfect—in fact, it’s even more powerful to show them how to handle uncertainty with grace. Confidence isn’t about never doubting yourself—it’s about trusting you can figure things out along the way.
Let them try new things (even if they aren’t good at them)
Confidence doesn’t come from only doing things you’re naturally good at. It comes from discovering that you can improve over time. Encourage your kids to try all sorts of new activities—sports, art, music, science club—without worrying whether they’ll excel right away. Praise their courage for trying, not their talent level. When kids learn that being a beginner is normal and not embarrassing, they become more confident explorers, open to new experiences instead of afraid of looking silly.
Give them responsibilities that matter
When kids are trusted with real responsibilities, they feel capable and valued. This can start small, like setting the table or feeding a pet, and gradually grow into more important tasks, like planning part of a family outing or helping a younger sibling with homework. Kids who know they contribute to the family team gain confidence in their own abilities. The key is to make these responsibilities meaningful, not just busywork. When their efforts make a real difference, their confidence naturally grows.
Create a safe space for them to be themselves
Finally, confidence blooms when kids know they are accepted exactly as they are. Make your home a judgment-free zone where they can express their thoughts, try out new interests, and even make mistakes without fear of harsh criticism. Let them know that their quirks, opinions, and ideas are welcome. When kids know they are loved unconditionally—not just when they succeed—they develop the kind of rock-solid confidence that can weather any storm.
Which of these do you think your child needs the most right now? Or are there any areas where you’d like some extra tips? Let me know!
