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I knew going into our marriage that it wasn’t going to be magical just because that’s the way the movies show it to be. We both understood that it would take years of investment to make something beautiful that would last. The best things in life don’t just happen on their own—they grow because someone chooses to nurture them. Whether it’s a marriage, a career, or a friendship, anything worth having requires time, effort, and care.
I’ve come to realize that friendships are no different. The strongest, most meaningful friendships in my life didn’t stay that way by accident. They lasted because both people made an effort to show up, support each other, and stay connected even when life got busy. If we want deep, lasting friendships, we have to be intentional about investing in them. Here are nine ways I’ve found to do just that.
Be intentional about reaching out
Friendships weaken when people stop putting in the effort to connect. Life gets busy, and before you know it, months have passed without a real conversation. The key to keeping a friendship strong is consistency. Make it a habit to check in regularly—send a quick text, make a call, or plan a catch-up session. Even a simple “thinking of you” message can go a long way in keeping the bond alive. Don’t wait for the other person to reach out first—take the initiative and show that your friendship matters to you.
Prioritize quality time together
Spending time together is one of the most important investments you can make in a friendship. But it’s not just about the amount of time—it’s about the quality. Instead of just sitting next to each other scrolling on your phones, plan meaningful activities. Go on a road trip, cook dinner together, or have deep conversations over coffee. Shared experiences create lasting memories and strengthen emotional connections. Even if you’re in different cities, schedule video calls or watch a show together online. The key is to be present and engaged.
Celebrate their wins (big and small)
A good friend isn’t just there for the tough times—they’re also cheering you on when things are going well. Celebrating your friend’s achievements, whether it’s a promotion, a new hobby, or even just making it through a tough week, strengthens your bond. Send a congratulatory text, take them out for a celebratory meal, or simply let them know you’re proud of them. Your excitement for their success shows that you genuinely care about their happiness and growth, making your friendship a positive and uplifting force in their life.
Support them during difficult times
Being a friend means showing up when life gets hard. Whether they’re going through a breakup, struggling with their job, or dealing with family issues, let them know they don’t have to go through it alone. Sometimes, just being there to listen without trying to fix anything is enough. Offer a comforting presence, check in regularly, and remind them that they have someone in their corner. True friendships aren’t just about having fun together—they’re also about standing by each other when life feels overwhelming.
Share your life with them
Friendships thrive on mutual connection, and that means sharing both the good and the bad. If you only listen but never open up, your friend may feel like they don’t really know you. Be honest about your struggles, joys, and everyday moments. Vulnerability deepens connections, and letting someone into your world makes them feel trusted and valued. Don’t be afraid to ask for advice or share personal thoughts—when you open up, it encourages your friend to do the same, creating a friendship built on trust and authenticity.
Make small, thoughtful gestures
Friendship isn’t just about grand gestures—it’s often the small things that make the biggest impact. Remember their favorite coffee order and surprise them with it. Send a meme that reminds you of an inside joke. Write a heartfelt note on their birthday instead of just a quick “HBD” text. Little acts of kindness show that you pay attention and truly care. These thoughtful gestures may seem minor, but they add up over time and reinforce the bond you share.
Give them grace and understanding
No friendship is perfect. People get busy, misunderstandings happen, and sometimes, life gets in the way. If your friend hasn’t reached out in a while, don’t assume the worst. Instead of holding grudges, offer grace. Be patient, communicate openly, and remember that true friendships can withstand ups and downs. If they cancel plans last minute or seem distant, try to understand what they might be going through. A strong friendship isn’t about being perfect—it’s about being forgiving and adaptable.
Invest in their growth
A great friend wants to see you become the best version of yourself—and vice versa. Encourage their dreams, push them to take that risk, and be the kind of friend who inspires them to grow. Whether it’s helping them prepare for a job interview, signing up for a class together, or just reminding them of their strengths, your belief in them will mean the world. Support doesn’t always have to be serious—sometimes, it’s just being their hype person when they’re doubting themselves. Help them build confidence, and they’ll do the same for you.
Make friendship a long-term priority
Life changes—people move, get new jobs, start families. But strong friendships don’t have to fade just because circumstances shift. Prioritize your friendships even when life gets busy. Schedule regular catch-ups, plan trips together, and be proactive about keeping the connection alive. The best friendships aren’t just for a season—they’re built to last. Like any long-term investment, consistency is key. Keep showing up, keep making time, and keep choosing your friends, even when life gets hectic.
Friendships, like any meaningful relationship, thrive when they’re nurtured. By making these investments, you’ll not only strengthen your bonds but also create a support system that lasts a lifetime. So take the first step today—reach out, show up, and invest in the friendships that matter most to you.
